I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
