Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
