he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
