I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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