I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
