She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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