i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
