we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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