Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
