i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
