If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
