College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
