I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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