those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
