u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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