I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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