Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
