you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
