Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
