if only i could text you this smell
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
there is glitter all over my balls
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