Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
