That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
