just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
