I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
