What a fucking waste of an outfit
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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