You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
