i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize