Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Buhtt sex?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
