Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How does it feel to date your dad?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
