I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
time to smoke my breakfast
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
