So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
