Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
