I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
