I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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