well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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