elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
