sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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