Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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