He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
