Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
