why didn't you poke me back
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
