I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
