The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
