mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
