i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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