UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
