i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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