mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
