i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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