I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
