Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
