Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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