That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
