just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
