You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
