Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
