i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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