So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
