And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
