I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
