Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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