You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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